Goodbye Normal
"Hi honey how are the kids?"
I made a mistake this year. A mistake I’ll never repeat.
I tried to be normal.
On-screen, I mean. There was this role – a hero lead with an attractive family.
I know, I know.
But when they offered it to me, I took it. What possessed me? Old demons, I guess. All my life I’ve wondered what it would be like to be normal. The acne. The scars. The nose. What if? And here’s this chance…it’s like the prom queen suddenly summoning you over and you look around to see who she’s pointing at and it’s you. Pinch me.
Ay yi yi.
Creating a screen character is like giving birth – you let it form in you until it’s kicking to get out, gasping for breath and eager to live. If it doesn’t form up just right, it will come out weak.
In the case of my hero family man character, it wasn’t weak. It was still-born.
The only real requirement for being a camera actor is honesty. You can’t lie. Well, you can, but if you do you get reviews like..
- Truer Form: in Jourdan McClure’s “Children Of Sorrow” (see last paragraph)
“I guess this guy is an actor, but I’ve seen spider monkeys with more range” or
“He appeared to be lobotomized, which would explain the bad wig” or
“Best acting honors go to Oberst’s screen wife, who has to make out with Harry Potter’s Dobby.”
The role in question, unnamed here on purpose, generated the only bad film reviews I have had in 4 years and 56 projects, and they’re all true (except for the wig part – it was my hair but I had my usual messy mop of brown straw so carefully styled in a vain attempt to seem attractive that it looked like a wig.) I deserved those reviews, because I lied. I knew I was wrong for the role but I took it anyway. That wasn’t fair to a great cast and crew who deserved better. Nor was it fair to my ultimate employers; the audience; hard-working people who pay a couple of hard-earned bucks in good faith to be entertained. Don’t even get me started on the cast and crew. I wanted to send them all apology notes.
I remember trying to let this character be born in me; this ordinary family man. Nothing.
The “Take This Lollipop” guy stroking the screen? That’s in me. I’m feeling that. Your cannibals, your rapists, your demons, your assassins? Only takes a whisper to rouse them to life. But a hero surrounded by a beautiful family? I looked like a stagehand filling in for the actor who never showed up.
The people who have said nice things about my screen work have said it, in almost every instance, when they watch me play people who are decidedly not nice.
"Go dark" Jason Zada, the 'Take This Lollipop' director, told me. Not a problem…
Why can I connect almost instantly with a character who has that potent mix of rage, remorse and simmering violence but not with a man trying to protect his family (as I myself would do in real life?) Why do I love being inside of the monster? And why does the monster love being inside of me?
Casting assistant to me: "You must be here for the rapist."
Just after the role I write about here, I booked another lead; as cult leader Simon Leach in Jourdan McClure‘s “Children Of Sorrow.” I was so disheartened by what I knew had been an awful performance in the previous film that I put myself in a prison of isolation for “Children Of Sorrow.” I went offline. I shut out the world. I swam in dark seas. I didn’t give a damn about normal.
Jourdan helped by adding scenes that were so unsettling that they demanded I give the camera my trust. “I’ll take care of you, Bill” he said, “I won’t let you look ridiculous.” So I went to the wall for that role and for Jourdan. People may love it or hate it, but it’s real. It’s me. Funny how things work out.
I am not attractive. I am not, as casting notices here in Hollywood so often say “aspirational.” I am built as an actor to make people uncomfortable. That’s who I am.
In the penultimate scene of Hallmark Channel’s “The Shunning,” (in which I was lucky enough to play a part) an Amish patriach gives some advice that I think I’ll heed. She says “The miracle ain’t the life you missed. It’s the one you got.”
All my life I’ve wondered what it would be like to be normal. I think I’m done wondering now.
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By Alexios 2011/12/19 - 9:00 PM
Bill, in its natural state the betta is a dull, drab, stubby finned little fish, but long ago someone noticed a spec of color, a tiny abnormality, and that was nurtured and developed until the betta was reborn as a brilliantly hued living jewel far, far removed from the confines of normal. History doesn’t record the exploits and infamy of the normal. History isn’t a account written forever of the normal. Name any of the world’s greatest heroes or most terrifying villains…none of them are normal. “All my life I’ve wondered what it would be like to be normal.” Why would you wonder what it would be like to be so dull? I’ve never been normal, and that’s what’s kept me going for all this time. Blessed are the normal for they make the special few so remarkable.
By Stephanie 2011/12/20 - 5:18 AM
Normal is boring. I’ve known I wasn’t normal most of my life.
I, too, tried to act quote-unquote normal, except I did it in real life. I did it to please people, and I paid dearly for it.
The only thing I got out of my foray into normal were my 4 sons… and theyre not “normal” either.
I lied to myself, and if I got reviews on it, they’d probably be bad & deservedly so. I like being me, and not the fake Stephanie I was then.
To thine self be true, and in your case, take the roles that are true to who you are. But you already know that!
Peace, my friend– Stef
By Ann Lovely 2011/12/20 - 7:05 AM
I can’t believe you wrote something like this. You got me to Tina Turner status and then write something like this. You got me to go outside again and be amongst the so called normals. I did not look in the mirror, until you. You made me feel beautiful, because you are inside and out. Some roles aren’t for you, just like I can’t get a man or keep one, relationships just aren’t for me. I got a bad critique in a screenplay contest for my screenplay, “Drastic” and it hurt, but I am not going to give up, just improve it and move on. Don’t give up on Danny Longlegs, because he can not be scary, because his mother breathed a mindset of beauty into him at birth. I love you, Bill and I don’t like this article, especially at a time when I am feeling as low as I do today.
By Richard Allan 2011/12/20 - 3:25 PM
Hey Bill , In case anyone hasn’t noticed, even award centric Hollywood has yet to offer up an award of any sort for “Most Normal Guy”. Keep on creepi’n in the free world!
-Blest Wishes, Richard
By Billy Kravitz 2011/12/22 - 6:55 AM
‘Normal’ people can be twisted too. Look at the Glenn Close character in Fatal Attraction. Look at Jerry Sandusky (allegedly) in real life. Consider Nurse Ratchet in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, or even Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction. Genre movies are great, but how about a blend of the two ? Misshapen psyches who show up in ‘real life’ are even scarier. If I were a producer (boy, am I naive.) you’d be in a re-imagining of the old German Impressionist classic – ‘M,’ as the ‘helpless’ child killer originally portrayed by Peter Lorre. You KNOW something like that would get you at least a nomination. Bet it wouldn’t cost too much either….. Well, that’s my idea……..May the Season of Miracles be great for you and yours.
Billy Kravitz recently posted..LITTLE ANNIE AND HORSEY SKEEJUS
By Emel 2012/03/12 - 8:51 PM
Bill
Well, caught the Haunting on Netflix the other night and yes, was a bit let down
and almost embarassed for the cast.
But have to tell you that after reading your mea culpa, really really have a ton
of respect for you and for sure will be looking for other films with your name
appearing to see if there is indeed some redemption.
Good luck on your future projects!
By Bill Oberst Jr. 2012/03/12 - 9:47 PM
Emel, thank you for that shot at redemption. I shall not let you down
Bill
By Sea 2012/07/15 - 5:41 AM
I’m sorry for all the horrible comments that you were getting from people. I truly believe you are beautiful inside and out. It’s not your fault that you had acne scars and many people had that. You are very normal. Normal people get acne (even I have pimples) and normal people get acne scars? You come across as a sincere and nice guy. You certainly don’t deserve all the horrible things people say about your appearance. If I see you on the movies, I would definitely root for you!
By Sea 2012/07/15 - 5:42 AM
EDIT: normal people get acne scars.*
Period. Not explanation mark. lol
By Bill Oberst Jr. 2012/07/16 - 10:39 PM
Sea, thank you for that. You are very kind. As long as they are talking I am happy
Really appreciate your note! Bill
Bill Oberst Jr. recently posted..Bill Oberst, Jr. Dives Into The Bloody Pool at Monster Island Resort
By Lilly Clark 2012/08/13 - 5:08 AM
Bill –
Just finished the movie in question on Netflix – conveniently I had read your post about it before I started the film. I’m the type of person who does a ton of research (i.e. viewer reviews, critic reviews, actor interviews) before I watch a movie, and while I read mixed reviews about the film, it was ultimately your post on here about how you felt that you let people down that spurred me to watch it.
While I wasn’t as entertained as I have been during some horror films while watching this movie, I will admit that watching it after reading your post made it not only enjoyable for me, but also gave me a greater insight into what actors, directors, producers, crew members, etc. have to go through for a film.
I think that it is hard for critics and members of the public alike to forget that actors, while lauded and scrutinized perhaps more than any other profession, are still PEOPLE. Everybody in every career and profession makes a bad decision and a bad business choice at least once in their career – as you said in your post, that is how we learn what we are best at and what we should never even think about pursuing again. It is hypocritical and unrealistic of the viewing public to expect a perfect performance out of every actor, every movie (with maybe the exceptions of the super-human Meryl Streep…)
I guess what I am ultimately trying to say is that, for me, watching this movie in the mindset of you as a human being instead of the character who you were portraying made the movie much more enjoyable for me. I could sense not only the character’s struggles, but your struggles in portraying the character as well. In my eyes, anyone who pursues a creative passion as a career is already a winner and is already doing their part to better the world. I myself am an opera singer, so I completely understand having a hard time connecting with certain characters or story-lines.
Keep working hard and putting your all into your projects, knowing that at least one person out here will be watching your films with the new-found sense that you are a wonderful human being and are putting your all into your creative work.
Lilly
By Bill Oberst Jr. 2012/09/06 - 12:05 AM
Lily,
Thank you for a very thoughtful reply. The fact that my post made viewing that performance a bit more tolerable really validates my decision to talk about it publicly and not just wait for it to go away. I learned from the whole experience, and my confidence is higher for the humiliation of it. Your encouragement means the world to me. Bless you for taking the time to write those words and I wish you tremendous success and a solid emotional connection on the next role you sing!
Bill
Bill Oberst Jr. recently posted..Bill Oberst, Jr. Dives Into The Bloody Pool at Monster Island Resort
By Travis 2012/10/15 - 12:46 AM
I thought the movie was fine. Just thought the plot was a bit undernourished, which has nothing to do with you. You did a fine job acting and don’t have to apologize for anything. And being ‘normal’ is not anything to strive for… We’re not all Tom Cruise with an application process a mile long for the position of wife. Nor do we want to be. These faux people are only fooling themselves, not those who actually use their God-given intellect. You do a great job, Bill, and all of us writing to you here are very thankful for bearing witness to your brand of normalcy.
By Mithaearon 2012/11/08 - 9:15 AM
Hi
I watched A Haunting in Salem last night. Bought the DVD and really enjoyed it. I thought it was a fantastic film. I have seen reviews where they say it doesn’t do anything different and to that I say so what? I loved the cliches in haunted house films and this one did something that not many films do, and that is make me jump. Three times in fact. Loved the creepy atmosphere and thought the acting was spot on. My main critisism would be the use of CGI which I never like, most notably used for the steam in the bath.
I thought you fitted the part spot on and made it a realistic performance. Anyone else out there get pissed off when they see these chissled char perfect looking heroes? I do, it’s nice to see someone ‘regular’, I could relate to the character more.
By A Haunting in Salem (2011): A Lot of People Should Apologize for This Movie, but Bill Oberst Isn’t One of Them. « Popcorn for Breakfast 2013/01/05 - 1:52 PM
[...] have taken the role, because it wasn’t right for him. “I knew I was wrong for the role,” Oberst writes at billoberst.com, “but I took it anyway. That was unfair to a great cast and crew who deserved better.” He also [...]
By Doug Higley 2013/03/19 - 9:35 PM
Bill, your recent, brilliant take on Abraham Lincoln was obvioulsy from a real working and heartfelt actor who despite ONE self imposed miscasting earlier still made my top 5 list of the year of outstanding performances. Your Lincoln was incredible, especially considering it was a no budget Asylum production. Though for once with a decent script and director, you were able to make the absolute most of it…a believable figure from history set amongst absurd surroundings yet the character was entertainingly REAL In all the Lincoln movies I’ve seen (many) and of all the actors portraying the man, yours is and will remain my favorite. You ‘got it’.
Thank You.
By Bill Oberst Jr. 2013/03/21 - 10:28 PM
Doug, thank you for that! Lincoln was a bit more up my alley. I love him, admire him and I think I understand a bit of his melancholy nature. I was fortunate to get the chance to add my little take on him to the cinematic record. It was playing in the sandbox compared to Mr. Day-Lewis’ work in the role, of course, but under the circumstances I was satisfied that I gave it my personal best. I appreciate your comment so very much. – Bill